My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
