You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
