You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
