I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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