I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
