i barfeds in our rink
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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