worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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