she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
