No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
