The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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