I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
