remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
