i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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