i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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