i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am naked and annoyed.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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