i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
