shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
