I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
