just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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