I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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