I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
