So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
