Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
