We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The beer is more important than you right now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
