She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
