How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
