Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
