You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
