he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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