3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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