I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
