someone owes me an orgasm
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
