We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
