my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The convent might be a nice break from real life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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