8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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