After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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