Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
