I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
