this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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