He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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