Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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