it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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