Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The air was thick with penises
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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