i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
