If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
