I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
organizing the empties. That sober.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
