so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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