Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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