The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
