it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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