Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
one might say we're banned from that church
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
