if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How external is "for external use only"?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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