i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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