Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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