I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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