dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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