Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
