If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
