i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
