You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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