Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
