someone threw a dead crab at me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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