the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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