I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
