She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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