I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
