alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
