i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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