i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
