My underwear smells like fireworks.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
