You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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