are you so shy because you have an std?
this boner is exhausting
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
