I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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