You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There's always time for handjobs
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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