I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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