She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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