Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
