Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
