We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
soo... how was my night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
