Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
