Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
