well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
