I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
