Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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