o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
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Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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